1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.BZ 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.BZ 3 00:01:14,790 --> 00:01:19,530 - Ladies and gentlemen, members of the faculty, 4 00:01:19,530 --> 00:01:21,063 graduating students. 5 00:01:22,140 --> 00:01:25,233 It is our privilege to award for the first time, 6 00:01:26,190 --> 00:01:30,420 a doctorate in psychology, languages, 7 00:01:30,420 --> 00:01:34,533 and the natural and physical sciences to one man, 8 00:01:36,270 --> 00:01:41,043 Artemis P. Goodluck. 9 00:01:46,260 --> 00:01:47,510 - This guy's an imposter. 10 00:02:01,530 --> 00:02:04,763 Syringe, scalpel, swab. 11 00:02:10,122 --> 00:02:12,274 Uh, oh. 12 00:02:34,423 --> 00:02:36,033 - Father. - Yes? 13 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:40,230 - Father, Goodluck. - Yes, my child? 14 00:02:40,230 --> 00:02:42,093 - You're under arrest. - Shit. 15 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:52,440 - Artemis P. - Goodluck, a fraught veterinarian, 16 00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:56,040 but with a genius to be much more has earned the moniker, 17 00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:57,450 Professor. 18 00:02:57,450 --> 00:02:59,820 Now, after several temporary setbacks, 19 00:02:59,820 --> 00:03:00,840 he will gather about him, 20 00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:03,600 other men of vision and greed, 21 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:06,270 who will follow him on a daring caper. 22 00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:08,220 A caper that will go down in history 23 00:03:08,220 --> 00:03:10,173 as a monument to his genius. 24 00:03:22,500 --> 00:03:25,140 Cornelius C. McKay, 29, 25 00:03:25,140 --> 00:03:27,600 otherwise known as Corncob McKay, 26 00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:30,090 son of a tenant farmer from Merchant Valley. 27 00:03:30,090 --> 00:03:32,610 Corncob has risen to the position of underpaid Midnight 28 00:03:32,610 --> 00:03:36,300 to Morning disc jockey on Centerville's own station WOWE. 29 00:03:38,190 --> 00:03:39,630 WOW-E. 30 00:03:39,630 --> 00:03:42,990 Today Corncob's mind is on a fateful meeting to be held 31 00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:44,010 with the Professor 32 00:03:44,010 --> 00:03:47,010 that will permanently change his lifestyle. 33 00:03:47,010 --> 00:03:50,190 - Start your baby off right in life with the gentle touch, 34 00:03:50,190 --> 00:03:52,290 the touch of Dunby. 35 00:03:52,290 --> 00:03:54,240 Dunby's throwaway diapers, 36 00:03:54,240 --> 00:03:57,393 for mothers who want the best for their child. 37 00:04:18,750 --> 00:04:21,000 Sara Sue Fenway, 22. 38 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:24,210 A former go-go girl at the Twin Bumps cocktail lounge just 39 00:04:24,210 --> 00:04:26,280 over the Johnson County line. 40 00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:30,000 Got tired feet and decided to light down on the job. 41 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:33,030 She now resides at Big Bertha's Massage Parlor 42 00:04:33,030 --> 00:04:35,820 and has become Bertha's most trusted girl. 43 00:04:35,820 --> 00:04:38,100 Every night she comes over to the radio station, 44 00:04:38,100 --> 00:04:39,750 bringing with her commercial announcements 45 00:04:39,750 --> 00:04:42,450 of Big Bertha's specials of the day. 46 00:04:42,450 --> 00:04:43,320 During this time, 47 00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:46,350 she and Corncob have fallen madly in love. 48 00:04:46,350 --> 00:04:51,180 Very soon Corncob will put this love to the acid test. 49 00:04:51,180 --> 00:04:53,220 - Hey, now that was a Jim Dandy, wasn't It? 50 00:04:53,220 --> 00:04:56,130 Deserves to be right up there on the top. 51 00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:59,013 Listen, this, your next sound is really something else. 52 00:05:00,090 --> 00:05:01,300 It's by a new group 53 00:05:02,490 --> 00:05:06,180 and they are really gonna make it one of these days. 54 00:05:06,180 --> 00:05:08,283 They're gonna rise right up to the top. 55 00:05:09,722 --> 00:05:11,970 Hey, hey man, will you cut that out? 56 00:05:11,970 --> 00:05:13,080 Where have you been, Sara Sue? 57 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:13,913 You're supposed to be here 58 00:05:13,913 --> 00:05:15,580 with these things five hours ago. 59 00:05:15,580 --> 00:05:18,325 - Well, I got real busy just as I was setting on leaving. 60 00:05:18,325 --> 00:05:20,130 A bunch of hearses pulled up 61 00:05:20,130 --> 00:05:22,830 and deposited morticians from that convention. 62 00:05:22,830 --> 00:05:25,213 A real weird bunch, I tell you. 63 00:05:25,213 --> 00:05:27,150 I couldn't leave Bertha during the rush. 64 00:05:27,150 --> 00:05:29,186 - Well, I don't want to hear about it. 65 00:05:29,186 --> 00:05:31,707 - I'll talk now Corncob. 66 00:05:31,707 --> 00:05:33,870 - I don't like you working there. 67 00:05:33,870 --> 00:05:37,250 I imagine you and all those men and everything and- 68 00:05:42,497 --> 00:05:43,664 I know, but I- 69 00:05:49,951 --> 00:05:51,701 - Sara Sue. - Corncob. 70 00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:55,352 - Sara Sue. - Corncob. 71 00:06:03,366 --> 00:06:05,116 Sara Sue. 72 00:06:09,916 --> 00:06:12,430 Rufus T. Oxhammer, 39, 73 00:06:12,430 --> 00:06:16,050 Moonshiner and part-time farmer has decided 74 00:06:16,050 --> 00:06:18,690 to leave his wife and nine children in order 75 00:06:18,690 --> 00:06:22,260 to join the Professor and start a new career. 76 00:06:22,260 --> 00:06:24,608 A career of crime. 77 00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:49,290 - All right, Christie. 78 00:06:49,290 --> 00:06:51,930 You get down out of that car 79 00:06:51,930 --> 00:06:54,930 and you get back up to the house. 80 00:06:54,930 --> 00:06:57,360 - Well, I've had it, I've had it. 81 00:06:57,360 --> 00:06:58,970 I ain't staying no more. 82 00:07:14,417 --> 00:07:15,783 This is Jethro Jenkins 83 00:07:15,783 --> 00:07:18,843 with your morning farm and home hour. 84 00:07:20,130 --> 00:07:22,443 But first, some news about the fertilizer. 85 00:07:24,330 --> 00:07:27,423 Fertilizer is in short supply. 86 00:07:28,285 --> 00:07:30,840 And prices are- 87 00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:32,703 Major manufacturers say that- 88 00:07:35,093 --> 00:07:36,715 - Wilbur, where are you going now? 89 00:07:36,715 --> 00:07:39,107 Where are you going? 90 00:07:39,107 --> 00:07:40,771 Wilbur? 91 00:07:40,771 --> 00:07:42,460 Wilbur, why are you digging out like this? 92 00:07:42,460 --> 00:07:43,579 Where are you going? 93 00:07:43,579 --> 00:07:46,374 Where are you going, Wilbur? 94 00:07:46,374 --> 00:07:48,537 Wilbur! 95 00:07:48,537 --> 00:07:50,940 Wilbur, will you stop making motions 96 00:07:50,940 --> 00:07:53,820 at that silly bird and answer for your mother 97 00:07:53,820 --> 00:07:56,310 when she speaks to you? 98 00:07:56,310 --> 00:08:00,150 Mom? 99 00:08:00,150 --> 00:08:03,715 - Wilbur, you dumb ass. - Oh, shut up lady bird. 100 00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:07,430 Wilbur, why are you sneaking out like this? 101 00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:10,093 - I didn't want to wake you mom. 102 00:08:10,093 --> 00:08:11,940 - Well, that is obvious. 103 00:08:11,940 --> 00:08:13,843 And why didn't you want to wake me? 104 00:08:15,190 --> 00:08:17,820 I gotta get to work early today. 105 00:08:17,820 --> 00:08:19,380 It's for taking stop day. 106 00:08:19,380 --> 00:08:22,710 - Oh, well, why didn't you say so in the first place? 107 00:08:22,710 --> 00:08:25,740 Well, go ahead and be quiet about it. 108 00:08:25,740 --> 00:08:26,573 - Yes, mom. 109 00:08:30,865 --> 00:08:35,865 Yes, mom. 110 00:08:37,140 --> 00:08:38,910 Yes mom. No mom. 111 00:08:38,910 --> 00:08:41,280 Martha, Mary, Sarah, Sonya, 112 00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:46,020 fearless lady bird, Peoni, Millie, all women. 113 00:08:46,020 --> 00:08:50,460 Wilbur Varnish, 35, and colorblind. 114 00:08:50,460 --> 00:08:53,310 Only male child of Faith and Will Varnish 115 00:08:53,310 --> 00:08:54,143 has been employed 116 00:08:54,143 --> 00:08:57,150 as a clerk at a Centerville hardware store. 117 00:08:57,150 --> 00:08:59,610 His life has been ruled by women. 118 00:08:59,610 --> 00:09:03,303 From his mother and four sisters to the female parrot. 119 00:09:09,990 --> 00:09:11,886 - Hey Wilbur, where you going? 120 00:09:11,886 --> 00:09:13,896 - Mama, Wilbur's getting away. 121 00:09:13,896 --> 00:09:16,730 Wilbur, you come back here. 122 00:09:16,730 --> 00:09:18,186 Mama, Wilbur's getting away. 123 00:09:18,186 --> 00:09:19,893 - Wilbur you come back here. - Where you going? 124 00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:21,633 - Mama he's got a suitcase. 125 00:09:26,048 --> 00:09:27,880 - Corncob? - What? 126 00:09:34,942 --> 00:09:36,358 Come on, I'm late already. 127 00:09:36,358 --> 00:09:37,890 Don't you slam that door in my face. 128 00:09:37,890 --> 00:09:38,790 I didn't mean to slam a door 129 00:09:38,790 --> 00:09:40,057 in your face, ma'am, I just- 130 00:09:40,057 --> 00:09:42,450 - I saw you slam it on purpose. 131 00:09:42,450 --> 00:09:43,701 Sara Sue, will you come on? 132 00:09:43,701 --> 00:09:45,380 I'm late, I'm late, I'm late. 133 00:09:45,380 --> 00:09:47,481 Now, come on. - It's your own fault. 134 00:09:47,481 --> 00:09:49,800 - Oh my God. I, I don't have my car, Sara Sue. 135 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:51,347 Look, you'll have to take me down to Gus Station. 136 00:09:51,347 --> 00:09:52,860 - I'll not. - Seriously, 137 00:09:52,860 --> 00:09:54,390 you gotta take me down to Gus Fellow Station. 138 00:09:54,390 --> 00:09:55,223 I gotta get my car. 139 00:09:55,223 --> 00:09:56,945 It's been sick for about two weeks now. 140 00:09:56,945 --> 00:09:58,009 - You car been sick every day. 141 00:09:58,009 --> 00:09:59,057 Every day. - Just take me 142 00:09:59,057 --> 00:10:00,299 to Gus Fellow Station. 143 00:10:22,848 --> 00:10:24,057 - Have you seen him yet? - No. 144 00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:25,773 - I ain't seen him neither. 145 00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:33,588 - Wonder where he could be? 146 00:10:33,588 --> 00:10:35,671 - I don't know. - Hold on. 147 00:10:39,210 --> 00:10:40,590 - Maybe we better wait inside. 148 00:10:40,590 --> 00:10:42,483 - That's a good idea. - Here. 149 00:10:47,449 --> 00:10:52,449 Gentlemen, come in. 150 00:10:56,250 --> 00:11:00,363 - Yes, sir. - Close the door. 151 00:11:15,090 --> 00:11:19,440 Gentlemen, I have gathered you here this morning 152 00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:23,190 because we are at last ready to pull the biggest caper 153 00:11:23,190 --> 00:11:24,513 of my career. 154 00:11:27,210 --> 00:11:29,493 - You go to cat houses Professor? 155 00:11:30,870 --> 00:11:34,230 - I am acquainted with every great madam in this country. 156 00:11:34,230 --> 00:11:38,458 More important, I know who her best customers are. 157 00:11:38,458 --> 00:11:42,900 - Golly! - Golly is correct, Wilbur. 158 00:11:42,900 --> 00:11:45,540 No police chief, no prosecutor, 159 00:11:45,540 --> 00:11:50,160 no judge dare put his cuffs on me for fear, I'll expose him. 160 00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:52,620 The fact is nobody but the madam 161 00:11:52,620 --> 00:11:54,120 will want us caught. - Golly! 162 00:11:59,970 --> 00:12:01,470 - And now gentlemen, 163 00:12:01,470 --> 00:12:05,010 our first strike will be this Saturday night 164 00:12:05,010 --> 00:12:10,010 and our target, Big Bertha's. - Big Bertha's? 165 00:12:10,470 --> 00:12:12,218 - Massage Parlor? 166 00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:26,580 Big Bertha, alias, Bertha Kowalski, 167 00:12:26,580 --> 00:12:30,360 owner and operator of Big Bertha's Massage Emporium. 168 00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:33,930 Unable to follow her ambition to become a ballet dancer. 169 00:12:33,930 --> 00:12:38,930 Hung up her size 14 slippers, many years ago. 170 00:12:42,540 --> 00:12:43,980 Savannah Morgan, 171 00:12:43,980 --> 00:12:46,920 a former assembly line worker from Poker Bluff 172 00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:48,330 who was asked to leave town 173 00:12:48,330 --> 00:12:51,543 after a scandal involving the whole fire department. 174 00:12:52,740 --> 00:12:55,800 Priscilla Bacon, a student at the university 175 00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:58,080 has been working part-time at Bertha's. 176 00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:00,540 She is a health food fanatic with a dream, 177 00:13:00,540 --> 00:13:03,273 a dream of her own organic health food shop. 178 00:13:05,790 --> 00:13:07,380 Veronica Paisley. 179 00:13:07,380 --> 00:13:10,260 Age, unknown. Origin, unknown. 180 00:13:10,260 --> 00:13:14,490 Education, unknown. Former employment, unknown. 181 00:13:14,490 --> 00:13:17,790 In fact, Veronica has spoken very little since she came 182 00:13:17,790 --> 00:13:19,050 to Bertha's. 183 00:13:19,050 --> 00:13:22,950 For some unknown reason, Veronica drives men wild, 184 00:13:22,950 --> 00:13:25,290 strange sounds come from her room 185 00:13:25,290 --> 00:13:28,323 and her customers emerge totally wrecked. 186 00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:31,830 - The working arrangements is simple. 187 00:13:31,830 --> 00:13:34,770 You work weekends and holidays, 188 00:13:34,770 --> 00:13:37,740 but you get one whole week off every month. 189 00:13:37,740 --> 00:13:39,660 The only reason nobody's off this week is 190 00:13:39,660 --> 00:13:41,673 'cause of morticians being in town. 191 00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:45,060 - We not treasure any tricks. 192 00:13:45,060 --> 00:13:47,130 - Not if they're decent, 193 00:13:47,130 --> 00:13:49,290 but we don't stand for any rough stuff. 194 00:13:49,290 --> 00:13:51,960 If you get a crazy trying to do you physical harm, 195 00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:52,980 kick 'em in the balls. 196 00:13:52,980 --> 00:13:55,890 Start screaming and we'll all come running. 197 00:13:55,890 --> 00:13:57,420 - Keep our good name. 198 00:13:57,420 --> 00:14:01,124 - Most of the respected men in town are my customers. 199 00:14:01,124 --> 00:14:03,780 The Sheriff, the Judge. 200 00:14:03,780 --> 00:14:06,780 Most of the upstanding politicians. 201 00:14:06,780 --> 00:14:08,793 Even Gordy Forrest, the banker. 202 00:14:09,958 --> 00:14:12,513 - You all bank with him? - No. 203 00:14:13,527 --> 00:14:17,400 All the girls, including myself, we keep our savings here. 204 00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:19,410 - No safer place, honey. 205 00:14:19,410 --> 00:14:22,470 - Besides, Bertha keeps it safe for us. 206 00:14:22,470 --> 00:14:24,180 - Like I always say, 207 00:14:24,180 --> 00:14:27,840 it takes a lot of laying to make a nest egg. 208 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:29,430 But I got a safe in the back, 209 00:14:29,430 --> 00:14:31,920 it would take a genius to crack. 210 00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:33,903 - Really? What kind is it? 211 00:14:33,903 --> 00:14:38,073 - It's a Mosler safe, gentlemen, circa 1929. 212 00:14:39,180 --> 00:14:44,180 Very fine safe but not fine enough. 213 00:14:45,990 --> 00:14:49,413 A gentleman, please, your seats, I must leave shortly. 214 00:14:54,510 --> 00:14:55,710 - Professor, there's a lot about this 215 00:14:55,710 --> 00:14:57,160 that I just don't understand. 216 00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:01,462 - That's exactly the way I want it Corncob. 217 00:15:01,462 --> 00:15:03,210 The less anyone knows, 218 00:15:03,210 --> 00:15:05,100 the less he will think for himself 219 00:15:05,100 --> 00:15:07,230 and the less likely the mistakes. 220 00:15:07,230 --> 00:15:10,380 You will only be told parts of this plan. 221 00:15:10,380 --> 00:15:13,410 And if that is not good enough for you gentlemen, 222 00:15:13,410 --> 00:15:16,053 then you should resign from this project. 223 00:15:16,890 --> 00:15:19,380 Does anyone wish to resign? 224 00:15:19,380 --> 00:15:20,240 - No, Professor. 225 00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:23,103 I, I guess I trust you. - Me too, Professor. 226 00:15:23,970 --> 00:15:26,790 - I never said anything. - Good. 227 00:15:26,790 --> 00:15:28,830 Then we're ready for stage number one. 228 00:15:28,830 --> 00:15:30,150 Casing the joint. 229 00:15:30,150 --> 00:15:33,930 Wheels exits, windows, where the safe is located. 230 00:15:33,930 --> 00:15:35,640 List of rooms being used. 231 00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:39,270 Saturday nights regular clientele, et cetera and so forth. 232 00:15:39,270 --> 00:15:42,448 - Well, I can't go, Sara Sue never would understand that. 233 00:15:42,448 --> 00:15:45,240 Why don't you send Wilbur? 234 00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:48,063 - Wilbur done never had herself a woman before. 235 00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:51,390 We need someone with experience. 236 00:15:51,390 --> 00:15:53,399 Right, Professor? 237 00:15:53,399 --> 00:15:54,232 Honey? 238 00:15:54,232 --> 00:15:56,880 - Yes ma'am. - The Professor is here. 239 00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:59,047 Are you ready? - In a minute. 240 00:16:02,841 --> 00:16:05,130 - Professor, the smell of a hunter is all over you. 241 00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:07,530 - I know. It's all in my pores. 242 00:16:07,530 --> 00:16:10,969 All the juices come oozing out. 243 00:16:10,969 --> 00:16:15,840 - Like I always say, it takes a tiger to tame a pussy cat. 244 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:16,673 - Yeah. - But for now, 245 00:16:16,673 --> 00:16:18,663 the fee professor. - Oh, certainly. 246 00:16:19,620 --> 00:16:24,620 My dear, I would gladly pay 10 times this petty stipend 247 00:16:26,670 --> 00:16:30,070 for an hour with you. - I bet you would, 248 00:16:31,290 --> 00:16:32,643 I just bet you would. 249 00:16:33,623 --> 00:16:36,160 Perhaps one day, Professor. 250 00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:40,860 Perhaps one day. - Till then, my lovely. 251 00:16:40,860 --> 00:16:45,684 - I'm ready. - But for now, happy hunting. 252 00:16:45,684 --> 00:16:47,145 Naughty boy! 253 00:17:15,142 --> 00:17:16,309 - Wait for me! 254 00:17:26,606 --> 00:17:28,207 Yeah! 255 00:18:39,990 --> 00:18:42,030 There you are, gentlemen. 256 00:18:42,030 --> 00:18:44,580 Big Bertha's massage parlor, 257 00:18:44,580 --> 00:18:46,110 everything we will need to know. 258 00:18:46,110 --> 00:18:48,180 Plus a list of Saturday night regulars, 259 00:18:48,180 --> 00:18:53,180 which includes the Sheriff and our illustrious Mayor. 260 00:18:53,872 --> 00:18:56,580 - The Mayor? - None other. 261 00:18:56,580 --> 00:18:58,410 - What did I tell you? 262 00:18:58,410 --> 00:19:01,833 - Now, here are your code names and decoders. 263 00:19:03,660 --> 00:19:06,633 Rufus is Possum Pete. 264 00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:09,573 Wilbur is Aligator Al. 265 00:19:10,410 --> 00:19:12,393 Corncob's Midnight Maller. 266 00:19:13,260 --> 00:19:15,840 I myself, am, Silent Summer. 267 00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:18,810 Even the getaway car has been given a nom de plume, 268 00:19:18,810 --> 00:19:22,053 Moonshine Special. - I may keep my name for good. 269 00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:24,900 - From this day on, 270 00:19:24,900 --> 00:19:28,620 you must listen for coded messages and instructions. 271 00:19:28,620 --> 00:19:30,920 - Sir, what is it we're gonna be listening to? 272 00:19:31,860 --> 00:19:36,860 - To the radio, Mr. Corncob, McKay's Midnight to Dawn Show. 273 00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:40,050 - I'm a message center. - Rufus, 274 00:19:40,050 --> 00:19:41,280 will you have the car ready? 275 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:43,830 - All juiced up and ready to fly. 276 00:19:43,830 --> 00:19:44,663 - Wilbur? 277 00:19:46,170 --> 00:19:47,003 Wilbur? 278 00:19:48,540 --> 00:19:49,740 Alligator Al? - Yes, sir. 279 00:19:49,740 --> 00:19:51,690 - Oh, glad to see you're thinking boy. 280 00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:53,280 Have you got everything we need from the store? 281 00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:54,390 - Oh, I got everything on the list. 282 00:19:54,390 --> 00:19:55,890 - Good. - Wire cutters, rails- 283 00:19:55,890 --> 00:19:59,220 - Wonderful, excellent, Alligator. 284 00:19:59,220 --> 00:20:02,550 Now Corncob for the next phase of your mission. 285 00:20:02,550 --> 00:20:03,930 - Yes sir. - You are 286 00:20:03,930 --> 00:20:06,840 to arrange a most crucial rendezvous, 287 00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:09,153 which will set stage number two into motion. 288 00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:12,860 - Who do you wanna meet Professor? 289 00:20:18,030 --> 00:20:22,530 - Wow. - Chief White Eagle himself. 290 00:20:22,530 --> 00:20:24,330 On Highway 79. 291 00:20:24,330 --> 00:20:27,840 Chief White Eagle at his brave speed towards Centerville. 292 00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:29,820 With two big hits on the charts, 293 00:20:29,820 --> 00:20:31,410 they are now one of the hottest country 294 00:20:31,410 --> 00:20:33,984 and western groups in the USA. 295 00:20:33,984 --> 00:20:35,580 A little do they know that they are part 296 00:20:35,580 --> 00:20:38,100 of the Professor's cunning scheme, 297 00:20:38,100 --> 00:20:39,950 a scheme that will soon catapult them 298 00:20:39,950 --> 00:20:42,540 to the headlines of today's newspapers. 299 00:20:42,540 --> 00:20:45,060 - Welcome to Centerville Chief White Eagle. 300 00:20:45,060 --> 00:20:47,100 I just wish you folks could see the chief here 301 00:20:47,100 --> 00:20:48,900 in his regal, colorful headdress. 302 00:20:48,900 --> 00:20:52,230 And sitting right behind him are his Indian Braves. 303 00:20:52,230 --> 00:20:54,690 Haven't heard a word out of them since they came in. 304 00:20:54,690 --> 00:20:58,350 - They have taken vows of silence. 305 00:20:58,350 --> 00:21:02,970 It is part of the marriage of authentic Indian songs 306 00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:05,310 and country western music. 307 00:21:05,310 --> 00:21:10,310 This is a spiritual mystic happening. 308 00:21:10,350 --> 00:21:12,270 - And you intend to bring that live 309 00:21:12,270 --> 00:21:14,070 to the Centerville area this weekend? 310 00:21:14,070 --> 00:21:15,150 - That's right. 311 00:21:15,150 --> 00:21:17,940 - Wow. - On Friday and Saturday 312 00:21:17,940 --> 00:21:21,660 at the Moonlight Inn, out the Centerville Road, 313 00:21:21,660 --> 00:21:25,230 between Centerville and Johnson City. 314 00:21:25,230 --> 00:21:28,260 Just pass the drive-in theater. 315 00:21:28,260 --> 00:21:30,930 I believe that's Route 79. - Right. 316 00:21:30,930 --> 00:21:34,260 - I would like to mention at this time 317 00:21:34,260 --> 00:21:38,430 that Saturday is my birthday. 318 00:21:38,430 --> 00:21:41,520 - Well, listen, how old? - I would like to give 319 00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:46,520 to the first 20 couples who show up a real Indian relic 320 00:21:47,730 --> 00:21:51,937 and an autograph copy of my songbook, 321 00:21:51,937 --> 00:21:55,977 "Chief White Eagle Against The Coyote." 322 00:21:57,180 --> 00:21:58,620 That's the one 323 00:21:58,620 --> 00:22:03,620 with the picture close up showing my eyes ready 324 00:22:03,690 --> 00:22:06,061 to stare down the enemy. 325 00:22:08,790 --> 00:22:13,030 It retails for $2 and 50 cents. 326 00:22:13,030 --> 00:22:15,663 - Yeah, well- - In better stores. 327 00:22:16,590 --> 00:22:17,423 - Well, 328 00:22:17,423 --> 00:22:19,890 just what kind of Indian relic are you talking about Chief? 329 00:22:19,890 --> 00:22:24,890 - Feathers, Indian feathers, all colors. 330 00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:29,960 Red, blue, green, all colors. 331 00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:37,050 If anyone can't make it to the Moonlight Inn, 332 00:22:37,050 --> 00:22:40,830 I will be appearing at Clifford's record store. 333 00:22:40,830 --> 00:22:43,410 - Right. - From noon till 2:00 PM 334 00:22:43,410 --> 00:22:48,360 on Saturday to autograph copies of my album and songbook. 335 00:22:48,360 --> 00:22:49,620 - Right. - Which are supposed 336 00:22:49,620 --> 00:22:53,190 to be on sale there. - Well, thank you Chief 337 00:22:53,190 --> 00:22:55,740 for your kind generosity in letting us speak with you. 338 00:22:55,740 --> 00:22:57,150 I just thank you so much. 339 00:22:57,150 --> 00:23:00,630 - All speaking is a song. - Yes. 340 00:23:03,510 --> 00:23:06,180 Well, Chief, I wondered if maybe you 341 00:23:06,180 --> 00:23:08,610 and your braves might give us just a little bit 342 00:23:08,610 --> 00:23:10,413 of your theme song before you leave. 343 00:23:11,430 --> 00:23:14,286 - Certainly, I'd be happy to. - Good. 344 00:23:14,286 --> 00:23:18,096 Hit it boys. 345 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:42,090 Good, Chief. Good. 346 00:23:42,090 --> 00:23:42,990 We're just about running, 347 00:23:42,990 --> 00:23:44,733 running out of time and I just want to tell you 348 00:23:44,733 --> 00:23:46,983 that we all really enjoyed that. 349 00:23:48,270 --> 00:23:49,533 Really did. - Thank you. 350 00:23:51,060 --> 00:23:55,470 I also want to tell all the people who can't make it 351 00:23:55,470 --> 00:23:59,520 to the Moonlight Inn or to the record shop 352 00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:03,229 and especially all the shut-ins. 353 00:24:03,229 --> 00:24:06,930 - Yes. - All those shut-ins 354 00:24:06,930 --> 00:24:11,930 who are shut in that you'll be able 355 00:24:11,970 --> 00:24:16,970 to get your free feather and songbook by writing 356 00:24:17,250 --> 00:24:22,250 for my new album to, everybody get your pencil, okay. 357 00:24:25,020 --> 00:24:30,020 Chief White Eagle Ink record and novelty division, 358 00:24:31,170 --> 00:24:36,170 Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. - Right, thank you again, 359 00:24:36,540 --> 00:24:37,373 Chief White Eagle- 360 00:24:37,373 --> 00:24:40,037 - Zip code, 10001. - Yes, yes, okay folks, 361 00:24:43,530 --> 00:24:45,212 hold onto you Wigwams, 362 00:24:45,212 --> 00:24:47,130 because here comes Chief White Eagle 363 00:24:47,130 --> 00:24:51,060 and his Braves doing one of their golden oldies. 364 00:24:51,060 --> 00:24:53,433 Hiawatha doesn't live here anymore. 365 00:24:55,620 --> 00:24:56,453 Well, Chief, 366 00:24:56,453 --> 00:24:58,803 I want to wish you a very successful engagement, 367 00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,670 and if there's anything, and I repeat, 368 00:25:02,670 --> 00:25:07,410 anything, I can get for you while you're here, 369 00:25:07,410 --> 00:25:11,160 don't hesitate to ask. 370 00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:13,743 - As a matter of fact, there is. 371 00:25:19,281 --> 00:25:23,198 What, Chief. 372 00:25:25,740 --> 00:25:29,460 Yes, yes, I think I can arrange that for you. 373 00:25:29,460 --> 00:25:31,350 I like to call one of my friends though. 374 00:25:31,350 --> 00:25:32,816 Okay? 375 00:25:35,273 --> 00:25:39,273 - She must be blonde, blue eyes, and very young. 376 00:25:43,098 --> 00:25:44,931 - Right, right, right. 377 00:25:51,670 --> 00:25:53,220 Hello Bertha. 378 00:25:53,220 --> 00:25:55,590 It's Mckay Out to Radio Station. 379 00:25:55,590 --> 00:26:00,590 Listen, I got a celebrity friend in town and he needs a, 380 00:26:02,460 --> 00:26:03,753 a special massage. 381 00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:08,416 I think, I think Sara Sue could fill the bill. 382 00:26:08,416 --> 00:26:10,223 Yeah. Yeah. 383 00:26:11,430 --> 00:26:13,073 Now listen, here's what he wants. 384 00:26:38,470 --> 00:26:42,540 - You all right Chief? - Yes. Thank you little one. 385 00:26:42,540 --> 00:26:44,880 - There he goes with that sick stick. 386 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:46,695 - I'm tired, when do we get abroad? 387 00:26:46,695 --> 00:26:51,695 - Little one, you must take pity on an old warrior 388 00:26:51,870 --> 00:26:54,483 that is about to meet with his ancestor. 389 00:26:55,601 --> 00:26:58,443 - Anything you want Chief. - Good. Good. 390 00:27:00,820 --> 00:27:03,716 Thank you, my dear. 391 00:27:03,716 --> 00:27:04,549 Oh good. 392 00:27:05,944 --> 00:27:09,603 Good. Thank you my dear. 393 00:27:10,777 --> 00:27:13,473 Oh, you're welcome, Your Excellency. 394 00:27:16,170 --> 00:27:20,223 - Curious, very curious Indian. 395 00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:24,720 - Well, everybody's gotta do their own thing. 396 00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:27,720 - Very, very true, my boy. 397 00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:30,180 Well, Corncob, let's get down to business. 398 00:27:30,180 --> 00:27:31,620 - Right Professor, whatever you say. 399 00:27:31,620 --> 00:27:32,520 - Good. 400 00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:36,240 Now Corncob, the next step is going to be the most difficult 401 00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:39,687 and most painful for it involves you and your Sara Sue. 402 00:27:39,687 --> 00:27:41,700 - Now you leave Sara Sue out of this. 403 00:27:41,700 --> 00:27:43,020 - Unfortunately, we can't. 404 00:27:43,020 --> 00:27:45,180 She's become the key to our success. 405 00:27:45,180 --> 00:27:47,059 Sara Sue will become our decoy. 406 00:27:47,059 --> 00:27:48,030 What? 407 00:27:48,030 --> 00:27:50,790 Now, wait, just a gosh darn a minute Professor. 408 00:27:50,790 --> 00:27:53,688 You can't expect Sara Sue to help you rob Big Bertha's. 409 00:27:53,688 --> 00:27:55,838 What, what, Bertha is like a mother to her. 410 00:27:56,940 --> 00:27:59,703 - I know. I know. 411 00:28:00,750 --> 00:28:03,663 You could perhaps not tell her the truth of the matter. 412 00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:08,490 - I'd be lying, I couldn't lie to Sara Sue. 413 00:28:08,490 --> 00:28:10,230 - You're gonna be stealing and breaking the law. 414 00:28:10,230 --> 00:28:12,390 What in God's name is wrong with a little lying? 415 00:28:12,390 --> 00:28:14,310 That's not wrong with a whole lot of stealing. 416 00:28:14,310 --> 00:28:16,050 - I have to tell her the truth. 417 00:28:16,050 --> 00:28:17,760 - Oh, not the, not the whole truth. 418 00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:21,003 Never, never, never tell the whole truth, my boy. 419 00:28:21,870 --> 00:28:25,830 - Professor, I don't think I can go through with it. 420 00:28:25,830 --> 00:28:27,060 - Look at it this way. 421 00:28:27,060 --> 00:28:30,513 Sara Sue will become rich and free. 422 00:28:32,220 --> 00:28:33,303 - Poor Sara Sue. 423 00:28:34,260 --> 00:28:36,930 I'm just dragging her down into a life of sin. 424 00:28:36,930 --> 00:28:38,310 - Think of it Corncob. 425 00:28:38,310 --> 00:28:41,973 No more sharing Sara Sue with the other men. 426 00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:48,270 - I'll do it. - Good. Good. 427 00:28:48,270 --> 00:28:52,650 Sara Sue will become part of our noble plan. 428 00:28:52,650 --> 00:28:56,433 - Yeah, noble plan. - Noble plan, hell. 429 00:28:57,450 --> 00:28:58,920 - Don't you see, Sara Sue? 430 00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:00,960 - What I see is you're fixing a rob Big Bertha 431 00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:03,656 who is like a mother to me. - I'll hit him. 432 00:29:03,656 --> 00:29:05,400 - I'll hit him. - I'll hit him. 433 00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:06,960 - You ain't never hit nobody before. 434 00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:09,570 Listen, this is Alligator Al, I can take care of it. 435 00:29:09,570 --> 00:29:11,518 - You just better make it look real. That's all. 436 00:29:11,518 --> 00:29:12,351 - I will. 437 00:29:13,518 --> 00:29:16,704 You don't think you'll get mad, do you? 438 00:29:16,704 --> 00:29:17,537 - Oh! 439 00:29:20,444 --> 00:29:23,440 Sara Sue, I understand how you feel 440 00:29:24,420 --> 00:29:25,650 and I realize now, honey, 441 00:29:25,650 --> 00:29:27,090 that I can't ask you to do anything 442 00:29:27,090 --> 00:29:29,760 that goes against the wholesome teaching of your main man. 443 00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:34,760 Happy, you'll find upbringing and all. 444 00:29:39,900 --> 00:29:41,087 Excuse me, honey. 445 00:29:52,037 --> 00:29:54,101 Corncob! 446 00:30:28,061 --> 00:30:30,306 - Sara Sue! - Who in the world 447 00:30:30,306 --> 00:30:32,639 were those men? - Sweetheart. 448 00:30:40,410 --> 00:30:44,313 Before I say goodbye and and leave you forever, 449 00:30:45,990 --> 00:30:50,550 I want this here moment to be the best time we ever had 450 00:30:50,550 --> 00:30:51,500 in this here booth. 451 00:30:54,900 --> 00:30:59,900 Our booth for it will surely be the last time. 452 00:31:01,497 --> 00:31:03,570 - Don't say that. - Well, it has to be, hun. 453 00:31:03,570 --> 00:31:05,250 'Cause when I can't pay my gambling debt, 454 00:31:05,250 --> 00:31:06,630 those men you just saw gonna come 455 00:31:06,630 --> 00:31:08,580 and take me away and- - Gambling debt? 456 00:31:08,580 --> 00:31:11,130 But you never told me you gambled. 457 00:31:11,130 --> 00:31:13,200 - Well, nobody's perfect. 458 00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:15,050 What I'm trying to say, Sara Sue, is, 459 00:31:16,680 --> 00:31:21,680 honey, we, we will be able to see each other ever again 460 00:31:23,790 --> 00:31:26,523 in this life at least. - Corncob. 461 00:31:28,650 --> 00:31:32,723 Now I know why you wanted me to help you steal from Bertha. 462 00:31:34,405 --> 00:31:35,822 I can't. - I know. 463 00:31:40,140 --> 00:31:42,374 Oh, I know, I know. 464 00:31:42,374 --> 00:31:44,388 And I understand. 465 00:31:44,388 --> 00:31:47,055 Kiss me, Sara Sue, just kiss me. 466 00:31:48,446 --> 00:31:53,363 Oh, Corncob, don't worry, 467 00:31:54,623 --> 00:31:58,456 I'll do anything so you don't have to go away. 468 00:32:07,726 --> 00:32:09,476 - Sara Sue. - Corncob. 469 00:32:21,330 --> 00:32:24,330 - Good afternoon, Big Bertha's Massage Parlor. 470 00:32:24,330 --> 00:32:28,200 Berth speaking. - Hello, Bertha my dear. 471 00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:32,400 This is Chief White Eagle. - Hi Chief, how are you? 472 00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:37,400 Long time. No hear. - A little request, Bertha. 473 00:32:37,620 --> 00:32:38,453 - Anything Chief, 474 00:32:38,453 --> 00:32:43,427 what can I do for you? - Well, today is my birthday 475 00:32:43,427 --> 00:32:46,803 and my Braves and I are having a little party. 476 00:32:47,670 --> 00:32:49,890 - Happy Birthday, Chief. 477 00:32:49,890 --> 00:32:51,490 You're having a party? How nice. 478 00:32:53,010 --> 00:32:55,230 I was wondering if you would send 479 00:32:55,230 --> 00:32:58,113 that nice little girl we met the other day. 480 00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:01,883 - Sara Sue? - Yes, that's her. 481 00:33:01,883 --> 00:33:04,890 We only meet her for an hour or so. 482 00:33:04,890 --> 00:33:06,690 Only an hour? 483 00:33:06,690 --> 00:33:10,533 I'll send her right away. - No, about midnight. 484 00:33:10,533 --> 00:33:15,049 Oh, and could you ever bring two jars of white lightning? 485 00:33:15,049 --> 00:33:17,004 We forgot to get it the other day. 486 00:33:17,004 --> 00:33:20,635 And our fresh out of it. - I guess so Chief. 487 00:33:20,635 --> 00:33:22,859 Okay chief, you got a deal. 488 00:33:22,859 --> 00:33:23,692 Bye. 489 00:33:30,409 --> 00:33:35,409 - Gentlemen, she says, "We've got a deal." 490 00:33:37,980 --> 00:33:40,361 - Alright, I just gave you the 10 cents. 491 00:33:40,361 --> 00:33:42,028 Here he keeps, whoa! 492 00:33:45,300 --> 00:33:47,370 Chief White Eagle and his Braves, 493 00:33:47,370 --> 00:33:49,170 Manny and Lou Liebowitz, 494 00:33:49,170 --> 00:33:52,740 relax after a hard night's work at the Moonlight Inn. 495 00:33:52,740 --> 00:33:54,390 Manny and Lou were once owners 496 00:33:54,390 --> 00:33:57,450 of a New York based Resier and Girdle outlet 497 00:33:57,450 --> 00:34:00,480 and found the Chief selling Moccasins in Brooklyn. 498 00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:02,730 They backed him, changed his image, 499 00:34:02,730 --> 00:34:05,010 and entered the world of showbiz. 500 00:34:05,010 --> 00:34:05,910 - Wait a minute, you schmuck. 501 00:34:05,910 --> 00:34:09,270 It's Whitey's turn. - All right, Pass. I pass. 502 00:34:09,270 --> 00:34:10,709 - How do you call a schmuck? 503 00:34:10,709 --> 00:34:12,090 How do you call a schmuck? 504 00:34:12,090 --> 00:34:13,860 Schmuck, now please. - Come on, pop. 505 00:34:13,860 --> 00:34:16,140 Watch your mouth. - Boys, boys, 506 00:34:16,140 --> 00:34:19,037 stop fighting like a couple of hungry hounds. 507 00:34:20,054 --> 00:34:23,189 - Wait a minute, listen to this. 508 00:34:23,189 --> 00:34:26,493 A hungry hound knows no pity. 509 00:34:27,330 --> 00:34:28,980 How's that Chief? 510 00:34:28,980 --> 00:34:30,240 Maybe you could make something outta it. 511 00:34:30,240 --> 00:34:31,620 What do you think Whitey? 512 00:34:31,620 --> 00:34:34,470 - We'll take some low melancholy beats under tum-tums. 513 00:34:34,470 --> 00:34:35,460 Ever stop playing like this- 514 00:34:35,460 --> 00:34:36,869 - Damn, what the hell, pop, 515 00:34:36,869 --> 00:34:39,180 can't we have a quiet game of cards without talking shop. 516 00:34:39,180 --> 00:34:41,040 After all it's Whitey's birthday. 517 00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:43,873 - Yes, today's my birthday. 518 00:34:46,710 --> 00:34:49,258 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 519 00:34:49,258 --> 00:34:52,755 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 520 00:34:52,755 --> 00:34:56,347 ♪ Happy birthday White Eagle ♪ 521 00:34:56,347 --> 00:35:00,145 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 522 00:35:09,171 --> 00:35:12,270 12:30, the Moonshine Special 523 00:35:12,270 --> 00:35:14,853 arrives just outside White Eagle's camp. 524 00:35:20,430 --> 00:35:22,332 - Would you please try to hurry? 525 00:36:10,282 --> 00:36:11,115 - You know, funny. 526 00:36:11,115 --> 00:36:12,660 Put that aside, I mean you may hurt someone, Whitey. 527 00:36:12,660 --> 00:36:14,183 - You know he is right, Chief. 528 00:36:14,183 --> 00:36:16,918 You people don't know how to handle that stuff. 529 00:36:16,918 --> 00:36:19,918 - I'm Chief White Eagle of all that- 530 00:36:27,171 --> 00:36:31,803 And don't you forget- - You hit my son. 531 00:36:32,718 --> 00:36:35,283 - That's right. - I'm gonna hit you, 532 00:36:35,283 --> 00:36:36,866 you son of a bitch. 533 00:36:55,320 --> 00:36:58,563 - My name's not Wilbur, it's Alligator Al. 534 00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:03,923 What do I do If they're awake? 535 00:37:04,890 --> 00:37:07,773 - Ask them for directions to the nearest phone. 536 00:37:08,730 --> 00:37:10,673 - Right, Silent Summer. - Ouch! 537 00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:24,813 As anticipated, Professor's math. 538 00:37:45,690 --> 00:37:50,340 1:00 AM the Professor and his gang having relieved the Chief 539 00:37:50,340 --> 00:37:53,670 and his Braves of their costumes await patiently 540 00:37:53,670 --> 00:37:55,740 for their final command. 541 00:37:55,740 --> 00:37:57,840 And now for our next request 542 00:37:57,840 --> 00:38:00,393 to Betty Lou Massengale from you know who. 543 00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:04,200 Now, here's a special one I ain't heard before. 544 00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:05,943 Sounds like some cold. 545 00:38:08,130 --> 00:38:10,230 Do the Moonshine Special 546 00:38:10,230 --> 00:38:12,780 from the possum that went out on a limb. 547 00:38:12,780 --> 00:38:15,033 I repeat, do the Moonshine- 548 00:38:17,220 --> 00:38:18,840 - That's the signal, all right. 549 00:38:18,840 --> 00:38:20,844 Now we know the Sheriff is at Bertha's. 550 00:38:20,844 --> 00:38:24,427 Well, let's get Corncob and get on with it. 551 00:38:42,122 --> 00:38:45,289 - Bertha, Bertha? - What is it Sheriff? 552 00:38:49,020 --> 00:38:50,340 - Where is Savannah? 553 00:38:50,340 --> 00:38:51,510 I've been waiting for her. 554 00:38:51,510 --> 00:38:53,527 - I forgot, please forgot. 555 00:38:54,463 --> 00:38:58,838 You expect the Hornsby boy, it's his first time. 556 00:38:58,838 --> 00:39:00,570 And I guess a fan is the best for that. 557 00:39:00,570 --> 00:39:03,450 Don't you agree, Sheriff? - Well, I suppose so. 558 00:39:03,450 --> 00:39:04,830 But where's that, leave me now. 559 00:39:04,830 --> 00:39:05,730 I'm waiting to go. 560 00:39:07,626 --> 00:39:10,126 - Priscilla, honey, come here. 561 00:39:12,180 --> 00:39:15,060 I got an emergency I want you to take care of. 562 00:39:15,060 --> 00:39:18,380 Hi there, Kim Wasabi. - Hey Priscilla, honey. 563 00:39:20,114 --> 00:39:21,447 Let's saddle up. 564 00:39:37,895 --> 00:39:40,520 - Good evening, judge. 565 00:39:44,479 --> 00:39:45,312 Enjoy. 566 00:39:47,892 --> 00:39:49,892 Good evening, gentlemen. 567 00:39:57,005 --> 00:39:58,255 - Good evening. 568 00:40:17,082 --> 00:40:18,630 - You are late. 569 00:40:18,630 --> 00:40:21,840 - But I am most definitely here, sweet thing. 570 00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:23,425 - Come on in. 571 00:40:23,425 --> 00:40:27,868 Excuse me. 572 00:40:27,868 --> 00:40:31,380 Would you cheer for a drink? - Just a little. 573 00:40:31,380 --> 00:40:33,745 It's been a long dry trip. 574 00:40:39,330 --> 00:40:42,480 - Amos, honey, we thought we'd lost you for good. 575 00:40:42,480 --> 00:40:44,700 - Bertha, I'm like the bad penny 576 00:40:44,700 --> 00:40:46,620 besides only missed a month. 577 00:40:46,620 --> 00:40:48,630 - Yes, but as you started preaching the circuit, 578 00:40:48,630 --> 00:40:52,530 you always been on time for your monthly rejuvenation. 579 00:40:52,530 --> 00:40:56,097 - I run into some real bad sinners this time around. 580 00:40:57,330 --> 00:40:59,101 - Well, you look like holy hell. 581 00:41:00,980 --> 00:41:04,680 Come on, I got a special lady for you. 582 00:41:04,680 --> 00:41:08,280 One who's a specialist in rejuvenation. 583 00:41:08,280 --> 00:41:09,513 Her name is Veronica. 584 00:41:10,620 --> 00:41:11,453 Come on. 585 00:41:14,824 --> 00:41:18,157 Oh, one thing is, this child don't talk. 586 00:41:20,850 --> 00:41:23,457 - Talking is not what I came for. 587 00:41:23,457 --> 00:41:25,743 - But she don't talk at all, ever. 588 00:41:27,030 --> 00:41:29,693 Come on. 589 00:41:30,810 --> 00:41:33,390 There's plenty of girls for everybody, boys. 590 00:41:33,390 --> 00:41:35,670 But there'll be a short wait. 591 00:41:35,670 --> 00:41:38,610 So you found yourself, yourselves to a drink, 592 00:41:38,610 --> 00:41:43,228 but don't drink too much or you won't enjoy yourselves. 593 00:41:47,717 --> 00:41:49,807 - They will the surprise of their lives. 594 00:41:49,807 --> 00:41:51,240 - Well, for God's sake, 595 00:41:51,240 --> 00:41:53,340 if you hang on to roof and don't turning loose, 596 00:41:53,340 --> 00:41:54,173 understand? 597 00:41:55,410 --> 00:41:56,544 Don't you back out- 598 00:41:56,544 --> 00:42:01,263 Call him Alligator Al. 599 00:42:02,970 --> 00:42:03,803 Makes him happier. 600 00:42:03,803 --> 00:42:05,790 - Think the Sheriff and the Mayor all gonna be- 601 00:42:05,790 --> 00:42:08,442 - Oh, they'll be there. They'll be there. 602 00:42:14,010 --> 00:42:17,250 - Now, don't you tell your mom nothing about tonight 603 00:42:17,250 --> 00:42:21,210 because if you do, my butt's gonna be hanging in a sling. 604 00:42:21,210 --> 00:42:22,470 And if that happens, 605 00:42:22,470 --> 00:42:24,060 you know what's gonna happen to your ass? 606 00:42:24,060 --> 00:42:26,700 - Shit, oh, I ain't going to say nothing. 607 00:42:26,700 --> 00:42:29,382 Like I told you before, I ain't telling. 608 00:42:29,382 --> 00:42:30,543 - Barnabus this is going 609 00:42:30,543 --> 00:42:33,960 to be a night you ain't never going to forget. 610 00:42:33,960 --> 00:42:38,647 Bertha tells me she got someone real special for you. 611 00:42:38,647 --> 00:42:41,550 See, that's how it's your first time and all? 612 00:42:41,550 --> 00:42:43,140 - Shiet, Paul. 613 00:42:43,140 --> 00:42:45,990 It ain't my first time, I done it before. 614 00:42:45,990 --> 00:42:49,575 - Now that heifer you've been raising don't count. 615 00:42:49,575 --> 00:42:51,390 - Oh, I don't want to. 616 00:42:51,390 --> 00:42:53,787 - Now you waiting to come here. 617 00:42:53,787 --> 00:42:56,430 Now I know how you're afraid that 618 00:42:56,430 --> 00:42:58,290 for the first time you won't do too good. 619 00:42:58,290 --> 00:43:01,107 But I want to tell you something 620 00:43:01,107 --> 00:43:05,730 now if you find you are in trouble, you know what I mean? 621 00:43:05,730 --> 00:43:06,563 Yeah. 622 00:43:06,563 --> 00:43:10,110 I mean if, if things move too fast for you, Barnabus, 623 00:43:10,110 --> 00:43:11,340 I got an old trick. 624 00:43:11,340 --> 00:43:13,740 I'll, I'll pass on to you. 625 00:43:13,740 --> 00:43:16,113 Think of chopping logs. 626 00:43:17,130 --> 00:43:19,143 - Oh, I wish you hadn't said that. 627 00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:20,873 - Come on boy! 628 00:43:21,780 --> 00:43:22,613 Come on! 629 00:43:33,281 --> 00:43:34,743 - Child, child, 630 00:43:36,060 --> 00:43:38,820 you are by far the most special creature I 631 00:43:38,820 --> 00:43:41,126 have ever laid eyes on. 632 00:43:41,126 --> 00:43:44,973 The good Lord has done his work on you with love and care. 633 00:43:54,720 --> 00:43:59,103 You are a butterfly sprung loose from- 634 00:44:01,530 --> 00:44:02,363 Child? 635 00:44:08,850 --> 00:44:09,753 Veronica? 636 00:44:12,090 --> 00:44:13,173 Sweet thing? 637 00:44:14,640 --> 00:44:16,473 Where have you run off to? 638 00:44:17,460 --> 00:44:21,513 Child? - Amos. 639 00:44:22,860 --> 00:44:26,373 Preacher. - What is it? Who's there? 640 00:44:28,340 --> 00:44:30,417 - It's me, Preacher. - Veronica. 641 00:44:35,520 --> 00:44:37,413 You still there, Preacher? 642 00:44:39,600 --> 00:44:42,213 Preacher? - I'm here, child. 643 00:44:45,570 --> 00:44:47,470 - Preacher, are you really a preacher? 644 00:44:49,311 --> 00:44:52,170 - I am. - Oh Preacher, 645 00:44:52,170 --> 00:44:57,170 I need your help. - Sure, sounds like it. 646 00:45:03,300 --> 00:45:05,250 Sweet child, 647 00:45:05,250 --> 00:45:09,120 the devil has made his home in your body. 648 00:45:09,120 --> 00:45:13,413 A body so fine, it can make a man cry. 649 00:45:15,270 --> 00:45:16,833 - Can you help me Preacher? 650 00:45:17,910 --> 00:45:21,540 - Why Exorcisms is one of my specialties. 651 00:45:21,540 --> 00:45:22,800 I've been a yanking 652 00:45:22,800 --> 00:45:25,680 and a spanking little devils outta sweet young things 653 00:45:25,680 --> 00:45:27,660 like yourself all my life. 654 00:45:27,660 --> 00:45:28,860 - You have? - Oh, yeah. 655 00:45:36,150 --> 00:45:38,233 What the hell y'all doing? 656 00:45:58,865 --> 00:46:00,240 I know you're in this room 657 00:46:00,240 --> 00:46:01,623 and there's no escape. 658 00:46:05,684 --> 00:46:08,481 This is the place, Wilbur, come on. 659 00:46:08,481 --> 00:46:09,314 Come on. 660 00:46:11,610 --> 00:46:14,264 Wilbur, get up there and open the window. 661 00:46:14,264 --> 00:46:15,681 Come on, come on. 662 00:46:18,949 --> 00:46:21,519 Put your foot on my hand, come on. 663 00:46:21,519 --> 00:46:22,352 Come on. 664 00:46:29,338 --> 00:46:32,528 - Gimme a screwdriver. - Screwdriver. 665 00:46:32,528 --> 00:46:33,975 That's not true, brush. 666 00:46:33,975 --> 00:46:36,633 - What did you bring up? - You going stay all night? 667 00:46:43,860 --> 00:46:45,963 - Hurry up. Come on. - Watch. 668 00:46:46,800 --> 00:46:48,350 - You better not start wetting. 669 00:46:49,197 --> 00:46:54,197 - Wrap yourself in the skin of this glorified, sanctified, 670 00:46:56,190 --> 00:47:00,300 grade A, government inspected lamb. 671 00:47:00,300 --> 00:47:02,220 Together there'll be no stopping us. 672 00:47:02,220 --> 00:47:04,200 Together we are gonna tear at this creature 673 00:47:04,200 --> 00:47:05,730 of yours till it flies 674 00:47:05,730 --> 00:47:10,260 from this demon possessed incredible body. 675 00:47:10,260 --> 00:47:12,692 - Oh, Preacher! - Call me Amos. 676 00:47:12,692 --> 00:47:14,910 - Amos! - Better yet, 677 00:47:14,910 --> 00:47:16,816 don't talk at all till I'm finished. 678 00:47:41,723 --> 00:47:42,890 - Hi Barnabus. 679 00:47:44,638 --> 00:47:46,221 I'm Savannah. - Hi! 680 00:48:00,270 --> 00:48:02,253 - Do you wanna dance? - Sure. 681 00:48:19,440 --> 00:48:20,273 - My! 682 00:48:22,331 --> 00:48:25,164 You are fabulous dancer, Barnabus. 683 00:48:26,319 --> 00:48:28,319 - Thanks. - I dance all. 684 00:48:29,155 --> 00:48:32,133 Dance, I mean I tit all the time. 685 00:48:44,618 --> 00:48:45,451 Hurry up! 686 00:48:47,267 --> 00:48:48,183 Get in here! 687 00:48:50,616 --> 00:48:53,887 Rufus, you can stay here by the window and watch. 688 00:48:53,887 --> 00:48:55,276 - But what? - Just watch. 689 00:48:55,276 --> 00:48:57,015 - Corncob. - Yes sir. 690 00:48:57,015 --> 00:48:59,061 - Watch Rufus. - Okay. 691 00:48:59,061 --> 00:49:01,323 - Alligator Al, guard the door. 692 00:49:07,440 --> 00:49:08,888 Go, turn on the light. 693 00:49:08,888 --> 00:49:11,853 Turn on the light. 694 00:49:22,410 --> 00:49:25,680 - This is a special nectar that was served 695 00:49:25,680 --> 00:49:30,680 to the Greek gods. - But that's nothing 696 00:49:32,340 --> 00:49:34,530 but Kentucky mesh and white lightning. 697 00:49:34,530 --> 00:49:36,810 - And Greek God sure knew how to live. 698 00:49:36,810 --> 00:49:38,373 Didn't they? Drink up! 699 00:49:55,110 --> 00:49:57,000 - Absolute silence, gentlemen. 700 00:49:57,000 --> 00:49:58,923 - What? - Silence. 701 00:50:16,637 --> 00:50:18,470 You okay? 702 00:50:21,270 --> 00:50:25,930 Feeling anything like down in your stomach 703 00:50:28,350 --> 00:50:32,313 or high in your chest? 704 00:50:34,530 --> 00:50:39,530 Now just close your eyes and no matter what happens, 705 00:50:43,515 --> 00:50:44,432 don't move. 706 00:50:46,470 --> 00:50:48,150 - What's going to happen, Amos? 707 00:50:48,150 --> 00:50:53,150 - I will call on the spirit of a lamb 708 00:50:53,610 --> 00:50:58,610 to bring you feeling into this luscious body. 709 00:50:59,190 --> 00:51:02,350 We going to blow that old level out of you 710 00:51:03,270 --> 00:51:08,270 'cause I ain't never heard nothing so foul as your voice. 711 00:51:15,140 --> 00:51:16,724 Alligator, 712 00:51:16,724 --> 00:51:20,641 can you hear anything? - Not a thing, Professor. 713 00:51:21,949 --> 00:51:26,949 If you have any trouble, 714 00:51:29,460 --> 00:51:32,670 just think about baseball. 715 00:51:32,670 --> 00:51:35,285 - They usually recommend chopping logs. 716 00:51:35,285 --> 00:51:37,350 - Oh, don't say that. 717 00:51:37,350 --> 00:51:39,177 Don't say that. - Oh, baby. 718 00:51:48,813 --> 00:51:51,543 - I call on the spirit of the lamb. 719 00:51:53,100 --> 00:51:55,767 Come on, Spirit of the lamb. 720 00:51:55,767 --> 00:51:56,934 Do your stuff. 721 00:51:58,436 --> 00:51:59,853 I call on Spirit- 722 00:52:29,550 --> 00:52:32,280 - What's that? - It's a feather plucked 723 00:52:35,490 --> 00:52:38,100 from the plumage of the angel 724 00:52:38,100 --> 00:52:41,133 of chastisements and exorcisms. 725 00:52:42,360 --> 00:52:44,853 The Angel Leroy. 726 00:52:47,651 --> 00:52:51,750 I had hoped I never have to use this, 727 00:52:52,680 --> 00:52:55,353 but the Lord will be done. 728 00:52:57,480 --> 00:52:58,910 You can scream if you like. 729 00:53:08,449 --> 00:53:11,894 - We'll just get you out of these clothes 730 00:53:11,894 --> 00:53:15,770 and into something a little more comfortable. 731 00:53:16,603 --> 00:53:20,020 - Baseball, baseball, baseball, baseball. 732 00:53:21,351 --> 00:53:22,184 Baseball. 733 00:53:27,932 --> 00:53:30,099 - You are a very big bomb. 734 00:53:40,151 --> 00:53:41,618 Baseball! 735 00:53:41,618 --> 00:53:43,340 - Come on, Professor. 736 00:53:43,340 --> 00:53:44,173 Come on. 737 00:53:57,844 --> 00:54:01,320 - Hey, little barbie, I got you. 738 00:54:01,320 --> 00:54:03,180 - I wonder what the sheriff's doing up there. 739 00:54:03,180 --> 00:54:06,540 - If you don't know what he is doing up there. 740 00:54:06,540 --> 00:54:07,620 I ain't gonna tell you. 741 00:54:07,620 --> 00:54:08,453 - Well, 742 00:54:08,453 --> 00:54:11,073 I'm just glad he didn't make me dress up like Toto. 743 00:54:21,976 --> 00:54:24,690 Mind if I smoke? 744 00:54:24,690 --> 00:54:25,523 - No. 745 00:54:27,120 --> 00:54:28,083 You go right ahead. 746 00:54:37,950 --> 00:54:41,100 We thank you, oh Lord, 747 00:54:41,100 --> 00:54:46,100 for these blessings we are about to receive. 748 00:54:46,110 --> 00:54:48,933 - You did it professor. - Damn, he did it. 749 00:54:55,410 --> 00:54:56,887 - Oh, the masked man. 750 00:54:56,887 --> 00:54:59,570 Oh my! - Got you now. 751 00:54:59,570 --> 00:55:01,570 And you're going to pay. 752 00:55:14,844 --> 00:55:17,344 - We're being robbed, get off! 753 00:55:21,951 --> 00:55:24,701 - What the hell is going on here? 754 00:55:27,025 --> 00:55:30,083 - Oh Lord. - Oh, Preacher man- 755 00:55:30,083 --> 00:55:32,301 - Give me strength. - I can feel again. 756 00:55:32,301 --> 00:55:34,637 - Hang on. - The Miracle 757 00:55:34,637 --> 00:55:37,169 - Veronica quick, we're being robbed. 758 00:55:37,169 --> 00:55:40,442 Hallelujah! 759 00:56:00,968 --> 00:56:04,468 - What the hell is going on in this place? 760 00:56:08,592 --> 00:56:11,192 - Professor, somebody's coming. 761 00:56:36,209 --> 00:56:37,607 Give me the money. 762 00:56:37,607 --> 00:56:39,107 Give me the money. 763 00:57:04,218 --> 00:57:07,135 - Somebody's been my bar. - Indians! 764 00:57:08,779 --> 00:57:09,612 - Indians? 765 00:57:11,838 --> 00:57:12,977 - Wait. 766 00:57:37,867 --> 00:57:39,660 - Robbie, go get the car. 767 00:57:39,660 --> 00:57:40,590 We've gotta go out. - Right. 768 00:57:40,590 --> 00:57:41,790 - Take a look at this man. 769 00:57:41,790 --> 00:57:43,067 Take a look at this. 770 00:57:47,820 --> 00:57:49,710 - You know what somebody's following say, 771 00:57:49,710 --> 00:57:51,907 I have never seen anything worse as easily 772 00:57:51,907 --> 00:57:54,153 as perfectly as that say. 773 00:57:55,110 --> 00:57:57,690 - Professor, this is the worst day of my life. 774 00:57:57,690 --> 00:58:00,145 - But you see that expression on that Sheriff's face. 775 00:58:00,145 --> 00:58:01,575 Hey Wilbur, I thought he was gonna, I saw it. 776 00:58:06,720 --> 00:58:08,550 - He ain't shot a gun in 40 years. 777 00:58:08,550 --> 00:58:11,044 What do you think he going hit that? 778 00:58:11,044 --> 00:58:13,294 Almost, fell off that rock. 779 00:58:15,743 --> 00:58:16,839 That's the best thing we ever done. 780 00:58:16,839 --> 00:58:19,045 - I ain't even took nothing from nobody in my life. 781 00:58:19,045 --> 00:58:19,901 - Well, now you have. 782 00:58:19,901 --> 00:58:21,380 And the time you started. 783 00:58:39,738 --> 00:58:42,155 - Take me home, take me home! 784 00:59:17,591 --> 00:59:18,424 - Get back. 785 00:59:18,424 --> 00:59:22,131 - Come on, George. We pulling around. 786 00:59:25,810 --> 00:59:28,893 - Everyone step higher. Stay in step. 787 00:59:30,326 --> 00:59:33,659 - Hold you thieves, it's Sheriff, hold! 788 00:59:43,079 --> 00:59:45,381 - Gentlemen, perhaps we can evade those idiots. 789 00:59:45,381 --> 00:59:48,951 - Where do we go Professor- - Anywhere away from me! 790 00:59:48,951 --> 00:59:50,286 - What does that mean? 791 00:59:50,286 --> 00:59:52,703 - I think it means get lost. 792 00:59:56,010 --> 00:59:58,227 - Sheriff, I saw him running off through the woods there. 793 00:59:58,227 --> 00:59:59,280 - Are you sure? 794 00:59:59,280 --> 01:00:00,600 - What else I'd see something run through? 795 01:00:00,600 --> 01:00:03,538 - Well let's go find out. - Yes sir. 796 01:00:18,870 --> 01:00:21,363 - That's funny. It don't look like rain. 797 01:00:36,360 --> 01:00:37,890 Hey, seen anything? - No sir. 798 01:00:37,890 --> 01:00:40,470 We can't find them damn Indians anywheres around here. 799 01:00:40,470 --> 01:00:42,360 - Well, we know they're around here somewhere. 800 01:00:42,360 --> 01:00:44,130 We gotta keep looking. - I know. 801 01:00:44,130 --> 01:00:45,600 - Have you searched down by the swamp? 802 01:00:45,600 --> 01:00:46,560 - Well, no sir. 803 01:00:46,560 --> 01:00:47,790 Well, I didn't bring my boots 804 01:00:47,790 --> 01:00:50,310 and well that's got a lot of snakes down there. 805 01:00:50,310 --> 01:00:55,310 Send old George. - George, the swamp. 806 01:01:00,597 --> 01:01:01,563 The swamp. 807 01:01:18,180 --> 01:01:20,820 - Gentlemen, our getaway vehicles. 808 01:01:20,820 --> 01:01:22,830 - Professor, you think of everything. 809 01:01:22,830 --> 01:01:23,663 - Naturally. 810 01:01:25,560 --> 01:01:28,350 - Oh, them Indians sure are tricky critters. 811 01:01:28,350 --> 01:01:31,233 But we got to get 'em more 'cause as an election coming up, 812 01:01:31,233 --> 01:01:33,600 - Sheriff, Sheriff, Sheriff, I found them. 813 01:01:33,600 --> 01:01:34,530 I found the Indians. 814 01:01:34,530 --> 01:01:35,910 They camped over by Yellow Creek. 815 01:01:35,910 --> 01:01:37,082 Well, let's go get 'em. 816 01:01:47,256 --> 01:01:50,163 My God, what has been going on here? 817 01:01:52,320 --> 01:01:53,820 George, take care of Sara Sue. 818 01:01:59,910 --> 01:02:02,100 Freeze. You're under arrest. 819 01:02:02,100 --> 01:02:03,317 You so much as that nine, you're a dead Indian. 820 01:02:03,317 --> 01:02:05,220 You hear me? I saw that move. 821 01:02:05,220 --> 01:02:06,660 Don't you dare do that again. 822 01:02:06,660 --> 01:02:08,610 All right now, on your feet too. 823 01:02:08,610 --> 01:02:11,070 I'm taking you in. You're under arrest. 824 01:02:11,070 --> 01:02:12,723 Is that the man Sara Sue? 825 01:02:20,120 --> 01:02:25,120 - Sheriff, Sheriff, I found the money. 826 01:02:25,860 --> 01:02:30,480 Two stacks of it. - I was on worth of stacks. 827 01:02:30,480 --> 01:02:31,953 - Rob, take care of her. 828 01:02:37,080 --> 01:02:40,470 I saw you running out of Bertha's with this stuff. 829 01:02:40,470 --> 01:02:42,090 Now you going to deny it. Huh? 830 01:02:42,090 --> 01:02:43,380 I saw you in my own eyes. 831 01:02:43,380 --> 01:02:44,580 You still gonna deny it? 832 01:02:45,570 --> 01:02:50,163 - I would not take that which is not mine. 833 01:02:51,090 --> 01:02:53,910 And that is mine. 834 01:02:53,910 --> 01:02:55,620 - Now don't make me laugh. 835 01:02:55,620 --> 01:02:57,480 Where are you going to get this kind of money? 836 01:02:57,480 --> 01:02:58,773 - By mail. 837 01:03:00,390 --> 01:03:05,390 This is Anna's bail order money for my records. 838 01:03:05,850 --> 01:03:08,850 Genuine Indian artifacts 839 01:03:08,850 --> 01:03:13,660 in my songbook "Chief White Eagle Against the Coyote." 840 01:03:13,660 --> 01:03:15,344 - Yeah. Yeah, I know all about that. 841 01:03:15,344 --> 01:03:16,177 I heard all about that Chief. 842 01:03:17,502 --> 01:03:20,655 And my eyes ready to stare down the enemy. 843 01:03:20,655 --> 01:03:21,488 Yeah, sure. 844 01:03:22,650 --> 01:03:25,080 Now I know what happened. 845 01:03:25,080 --> 01:03:27,543 I got it all clear in my mind, yeah? 846 01:03:29,400 --> 01:03:32,640 You got a little drunk on your birthday 847 01:03:32,640 --> 01:03:36,382 and you started thinking about the old days, huh? 848 01:03:36,382 --> 01:03:39,107 About the broken peace treaties and cavalry 849 01:03:40,170 --> 01:03:42,150 and the reservations. 850 01:03:42,150 --> 01:03:43,890 And you did some more drinking 851 01:03:43,890 --> 01:03:45,120 and you started brooding 852 01:03:45,120 --> 01:03:46,920 about how you're going to get even with us. 853 01:03:46,920 --> 01:03:49,680 And that's why you tied her to the stake. 854 01:03:49,680 --> 01:03:53,370 My god, man, what kind of beastly, inhuman, 855 01:03:53,370 --> 01:03:55,140 terrible tortures you perpetrate 856 01:03:55,140 --> 01:03:56,153 on that sweet innocent little girl? 857 01:03:56,153 --> 01:03:59,943 - Not so, not so. 858 01:04:01,027 --> 01:04:06,027 I would not harm a hair on the little one's head. 859 01:04:06,300 --> 01:04:08,920 - All right, that's the way you want it. 860 01:04:08,920 --> 01:04:10,953 That's the way it's gonna be. 861 01:04:11,940 --> 01:04:16,410 George, you can go and take Sara Sue home now. 862 01:04:16,410 --> 01:04:19,890 I am going to get to the bottom of this myself. 863 01:04:19,890 --> 01:04:21,690 - Maybe we ought to wait, Sheriff. 864 01:04:21,690 --> 01:04:24,090 - Don't you worry none, Sara Sue. 865 01:04:24,090 --> 01:04:26,760 I'm a professional at extracting information 866 01:04:26,760 --> 01:04:30,450 from reluctant prisoners. 867 01:04:30,450 --> 01:04:31,954 I use, 868 01:04:31,954 --> 01:04:34,920 the psychological approach, 869 01:04:34,920 --> 01:04:36,483 works every time. 870 01:04:37,767 --> 01:04:40,517 Now you just gone now and you tell Bertha not to worry. 871 01:04:47,683 --> 01:04:49,600 - Hey Sheriff, Sheriff. 872 01:04:50,716 --> 01:04:52,560 - My God, man, what have you done? 873 01:04:52,560 --> 01:04:53,730 You crazy? 874 01:04:53,730 --> 01:04:56,260 White men don't scalp Indians. 875 01:04:56,260 --> 01:04:57,093 My God! 876 01:04:57,093 --> 01:04:57,960 What have you done? - Well, 877 01:04:57,960 --> 01:05:00,450 this ain't scalp Sheriff. - What do you mean? 878 01:05:00,450 --> 01:05:01,287 I'm standing here looking at that thing 879 01:05:01,287 --> 01:05:02,730 and you tell me it's not a scalp? 880 01:05:02,730 --> 01:05:03,690 - Sheriff, it ain't a scalp. 881 01:05:03,690 --> 01:05:04,936 It's a two pay. 882 01:05:04,936 --> 01:05:06,191 Get in here, both of you. 883 01:05:07,024 --> 01:05:08,970 It come off his head. 884 01:05:08,970 --> 01:05:11,910 Look, these both got white men's hair underneath. 885 01:05:11,910 --> 01:05:14,550 - My God. 886 01:05:14,550 --> 01:05:16,560 Well, this thing's bigger than I thought. 887 01:05:16,560 --> 01:05:18,630 It's a conspiracy. 888 01:05:18,630 --> 01:05:21,873 Those pole cats have just disappeared right into thin air. 889 01:05:22,800 --> 01:05:24,570 But the only thing we are reasonably sure 890 01:05:24,570 --> 01:05:26,270 of is they're still in the county. 891 01:05:27,316 --> 01:05:29,649 - I don't know what I'll do. 892 01:05:31,080 --> 01:05:33,860 I guess I'll have to shut down. 893 01:05:33,860 --> 01:05:35,250 - Shut down? 894 01:05:35,250 --> 01:05:37,230 Well, Bertha, you can't do that. 895 01:05:37,230 --> 01:05:42,230 - Well, I don't have the money to start a first class again. 896 01:05:43,590 --> 01:05:47,309 And I've had the starting on a shoes dream big. 897 01:05:47,309 --> 01:05:49,773 - Robbie, we gotta move on this. 898 01:05:55,620 --> 01:05:56,973 - Excuse me, Jeff. 899 01:06:06,450 --> 01:06:09,300 Hello, what can I do for you? 900 01:06:09,300 --> 01:06:10,320 - Hello, Bertha. 901 01:06:10,320 --> 01:06:12,567 My name is Elmo Petagru. 902 01:06:12,567 --> 01:06:15,960 Now I represent a group of concerned citizens, 903 01:06:15,960 --> 01:06:18,543 eager to see that Big Bertha's never closes. 904 01:06:19,680 --> 01:06:24,243 Bertha, we have a plan to smoke out those rotten thieves. 905 01:06:26,310 --> 01:06:28,920 - For the first time in the history of Centerville, 906 01:06:28,920 --> 01:06:30,840 every citizen, every man, woman, 907 01:06:30,840 --> 01:06:33,120 and child have joined together 908 01:06:33,120 --> 01:06:37,050 in a holy crusade to flush out those hideous criminals 909 01:06:37,050 --> 01:06:39,417 who robbed Big Bertha's. 910 01:06:54,550 --> 01:06:55,740 - Everybody quiet down. 911 01:06:55,740 --> 01:06:58,189 You turn that damn thing off. 912 01:06:58,189 --> 01:06:59,940 All right, everybody quiet down. 913 01:06:59,940 --> 01:07:00,900 I want y'all to go home, 914 01:07:00,900 --> 01:07:03,127 get your guns and get back here just as fast as you can. 915 01:07:03,127 --> 01:07:05,100 And we're gonna form Posse 916 01:07:05,100 --> 01:07:06,510 and we're gonna find them critters. 917 01:07:06,510 --> 01:07:07,770 We're gonna look onto every rock. 918 01:07:07,770 --> 01:07:09,060 We're gonna look behind every tree 919 01:07:09,060 --> 01:07:10,050 and we're going bring 'em in. 920 01:07:10,050 --> 01:07:12,208 Now go, get going. Hurry up! 921 01:07:16,590 --> 01:07:18,090 - At this very moment, 922 01:07:18,090 --> 01:07:21,423 the enraged citizens of Centerville are arming themselves. 923 01:07:26,370 --> 01:07:27,780 - Robbie? - Yes sir. 924 01:07:27,780 --> 01:07:30,060 - You take 10 men, and ladies, 925 01:07:30,060 --> 01:07:32,340 go down the old country road and you stop anything 926 01:07:32,340 --> 01:07:33,300 that looks strange. 927 01:07:33,300 --> 01:07:35,730 - Well, Cooper snipes always did look a little strange. 928 01:07:35,730 --> 01:07:37,260 - Robbie, shut up. 929 01:07:37,260 --> 01:07:38,550 George. - Come on. Come on. 930 01:07:38,550 --> 01:07:40,950 - You take some people and go down Route 101 931 01:07:40,950 --> 01:07:43,350 and you bring in anything that moves. 932 01:07:43,350 --> 01:07:44,790 Now the rest of you folks, 933 01:07:44,790 --> 01:07:47,083 you get your cars and you follow me. 934 01:08:03,537 --> 01:08:08,537 ♪ Cause someone robbed the only house in town ♪ 935 01:08:33,143 --> 01:08:35,836 ♪ Please don't close Big Bertha's down ♪ 936 01:08:35,836 --> 01:08:39,819 ♪ It's the only, only house you have in town ♪ 937 01:08:39,819 --> 01:08:43,381 ♪ Certainly, she's been around ♪ 938 01:09:00,072 --> 01:09:03,068 ♪ Please don't close Big Bertha's down ♪ 939 01:09:03,068 --> 01:09:06,975 ♪ It's the only, only house that we have in town ♪ 940 01:09:06,975 --> 01:09:11,975 ♪ Place to go when you feel down and low ♪ 941 01:09:17,298 --> 01:09:21,141 ♪ Bertha guarantees that every trip will please you ♪ 942 01:09:21,141 --> 01:09:26,141 ♪ So we really hate to see her go ♪ 943 01:09:28,849 --> 01:09:33,849 ♪ No girl will ever tease you ♪ 944 01:09:34,975 --> 01:09:39,975 ♪ Bertha guarantees that every trip will please you ♪ 945 01:09:42,050 --> 01:09:47,050 ♪ So we really hate to see her go ♪ 946 01:09:48,891 --> 01:09:53,058 ♪ So we really hate to see her go ♪ 947 01:09:59,997 --> 01:10:02,730 - The news is tightening around our corporates. 948 01:10:02,730 --> 01:10:06,240 As a determined citizen moves in for the kill. 949 01:10:06,240 --> 01:10:08,160 Moving in for the kill? 950 01:10:08,160 --> 01:10:11,223 You hear that? - I'm paying yourself Rufus. 951 01:10:12,990 --> 01:10:16,627 - No water, no food. - Relief is on the way 952 01:10:16,627 --> 01:10:18,510 - Far so is the police. 953 01:10:18,510 --> 01:10:21,300 - Sounds like the whole county's after us. 954 01:10:21,300 --> 01:10:22,470 - I'll never get outta here. 955 01:10:22,470 --> 01:10:25,293 - Gentlemen, I'll figure a way out. 956 01:10:27,120 --> 01:10:30,780 - And now here's our Sheriff, JC Sprew. 957 01:10:30,780 --> 01:10:33,870 Sheriff? - There ain't no way out. 958 01:10:33,870 --> 01:10:34,833 So give up. 959 01:10:35,790 --> 01:10:39,930 Every road is blocked, cut off. 960 01:10:39,930 --> 01:10:43,113 Nobody can come into town and nobody can go out. 961 01:10:44,010 --> 01:10:48,780 So everybody just relax except you blood sucking criminals 962 01:10:48,780 --> 01:10:51,730 who must be holed up in some devil's hole 963 01:10:53,444 --> 01:10:56,665 - That that Sheriff is right, all right? 964 01:10:56,665 --> 01:11:00,780 This is some hole. - Corncob you should 965 01:11:00,780 --> 01:11:03,195 have bought food not whiskey. 966 01:11:03,195 --> 01:11:04,510 - Well, that's what I had in the car. 967 01:11:04,510 --> 01:11:06,630 Hell, I couldn't stop my way for groceries. 968 01:11:06,630 --> 01:11:08,777 The whole damn county is an armed camp out looking 969 01:11:08,777 --> 01:11:12,030 for anything suspicious. - Our very own, 970 01:11:12,030 --> 01:11:13,743 Big Bertha Kowalski. 971 01:11:15,000 --> 01:11:18,180 - I want to thank the many kindly souls who are coming here 972 01:11:18,180 --> 01:11:23,180 to offer testimony on my behalf, I'm truly touched. 973 01:11:25,410 --> 01:11:28,912 - I'd like to now introduce the right reverend Amos Huxley, 974 01:11:28,912 --> 01:11:31,380 who has taken time out from his busy schedule. 975 01:11:31,380 --> 01:11:34,819 - You better find a way out for us, Professor. 976 01:11:34,819 --> 01:11:38,090 I'm so damn hungry. And tired. 977 01:11:40,560 --> 01:11:43,473 - You sinners and your misguided greed. 978 01:11:44,970 --> 01:11:47,010 Must surely by now see 979 01:11:47,010 --> 01:11:51,060 that you have committed a grievous wrong to this town 980 01:11:51,060 --> 01:11:54,120 and to your immortal souls. 981 01:11:54,120 --> 01:11:56,190 But you can turn it around. 982 01:11:56,190 --> 01:12:00,330 You can cleanse your hearts and your souls in part 983 01:12:00,330 --> 01:12:03,180 and get back on the path to purity 984 01:12:03,180 --> 01:12:06,150 by returning the money anonymously 985 01:12:06,150 --> 01:12:08,490 without revealing yourselves. 986 01:12:08,490 --> 01:12:12,390 I am sure that you sinners had no idea 987 01:12:12,390 --> 01:12:14,790 that you was robbing from the most wretched 988 01:12:14,790 --> 01:12:17,668 unfortunate of the world. 989 01:12:17,668 --> 01:12:21,330 - Hell, we robbed a cat house, not a church. 990 01:12:21,330 --> 01:12:24,900 - Stealing from little boys and little girls 991 01:12:24,900 --> 01:12:27,651 without no mammies or pappies. 992 01:12:27,651 --> 01:12:28,484 Little did you know that Big Bertha is everybody's mama, 993 01:12:33,090 --> 01:12:35,700 save the orphanage from going under 994 01:12:36,698 --> 01:12:41,365 and now she herself will be going under out of business. 995 01:12:43,844 --> 01:12:46,470 - Did we do that? - Shh Wilbur, 996 01:12:46,470 --> 01:12:48,060 stop your crying. 997 01:12:48,060 --> 01:12:51,660 - May the Lord be on her side 998 01:12:51,660 --> 01:12:55,443 and strike down the demons that attack her. 999 01:12:56,325 --> 01:12:59,790 Amen! - Amen! 1000 01:12:59,790 --> 01:13:01,767 - Beat you, dumb ox. 1001 01:13:01,767 --> 01:13:04,170 My name 1002 01:13:04,170 --> 01:13:07,263 is Flora May Spring over. 1003 01:13:08,726 --> 01:13:12,780 Those of you who remember the little town's library 1004 01:13:12,780 --> 01:13:16,360 on Hummock Street before it burned down 1005 01:13:17,250 --> 01:13:20,163 will remember me as the librarian. 1006 01:13:21,450 --> 01:13:22,680 - That's my cousin. 1007 01:13:22,680 --> 01:13:24,363 What the hell is she doing? 1008 01:13:25,800 --> 01:13:30,800 - Bertha saved my marriage with her vigorous massages. 1009 01:13:33,090 --> 01:13:38,090 She has kept my husband's disposition gentle and pleasant. 1010 01:13:41,160 --> 01:13:44,597 - Do you hear that? Vigorous massage? 1011 01:13:45,630 --> 01:13:48,990 Real vigorous? 1012 01:13:48,990 --> 01:13:53,220 But I can only say from the bottom of my heart 1013 01:13:53,220 --> 01:13:55,680 that it isn't fair for a woman 1014 01:13:55,680 --> 01:14:00,680 in public service like this should lose her life savings. 1015 01:14:01,290 --> 01:14:02,793 It's too much to bear. 1016 01:14:04,406 --> 01:14:05,306 - It sure is. 1017 01:14:06,330 --> 01:14:07,740 Damn radio! 1018 01:14:07,740 --> 01:14:09,120 Damn Bertha's! 1019 01:14:09,120 --> 01:14:10,293 Damn Professor! 1020 01:14:11,370 --> 01:14:14,790 I wish I was back on my farm growing things. 1021 01:14:14,790 --> 01:14:17,370 - Rufus, why don't you show me the transmission 1022 01:14:17,370 --> 01:14:19,410 of the trifecta that'll get your mind off things. 1023 01:14:19,410 --> 01:14:20,460 - No, goddamn it. 1024 01:14:20,460 --> 01:14:22,350 I showed y'all that day before yesterday. 1025 01:14:22,350 --> 01:14:25,440 I hate cards. They got me into this. 1026 01:14:25,440 --> 01:14:28,350 They took me away from the farm, I love. 1027 01:14:28,350 --> 01:14:30,150 They got me hooked up with the Professor 1028 01:14:30,150 --> 01:14:31,680 and made me a criminal. 1029 01:14:31,680 --> 01:14:33,240 But what have I gotta show for? 1030 01:14:33,240 --> 01:14:35,940 I have anything to spend? No. 1031 01:14:35,940 --> 01:14:39,390 Locked up in here like a, a rat in a cage while, 1032 01:14:39,390 --> 01:14:40,560 while a Professor sits 1033 01:14:40,560 --> 01:14:44,587 over there like some mysterious foreigner and, and hums, 1034 01:14:44,587 --> 01:14:46,233 and says we can't leave. 1035 01:14:47,940 --> 01:14:50,130 - He says through meditating, 1036 01:14:50,130 --> 01:14:52,860 he can show us the right road outta here. 1037 01:14:52,860 --> 01:14:54,150 Well, I'm leaving. 1038 01:14:54,150 --> 01:14:55,380 I'm taking my own road. 1039 01:14:55,380 --> 01:14:56,430 I'm through. 1040 01:14:56,430 --> 01:14:58,800 I want to go drinking and dancing. 1041 01:14:58,800 --> 01:15:01,770 - If you think Bertha is important to you now 1042 01:15:01,770 --> 01:15:04,953 when you are a teenager, he says, will you get married? 1043 01:15:08,010 --> 01:15:11,100 - What do you mean by telling him that? 1044 01:15:11,100 --> 01:15:13,911 - Big mouth kid. - And how come you know 1045 01:15:13,911 --> 01:15:15,402 so much about Bertha's? 1046 01:15:15,402 --> 01:15:16,680 - Hey, that's my ear. 1047 01:15:16,680 --> 01:15:18,210 You going to twist my ear off? 1048 01:15:18,210 --> 01:15:19,560 - Twisting on your ear off. 1049 01:15:21,637 --> 01:15:23,887 - I'm just seven years old. 1050 01:15:24,723 --> 01:15:28,260 And never had no mammy or no pappy. 1051 01:15:28,260 --> 01:15:32,607 I think of Big Bertha as my mama, said, all kids, 1052 01:15:34,110 --> 01:15:39,110 you crooks robbed from the greatest mama we ever had. 1053 01:15:40,290 --> 01:15:43,293 I hope you all burn in hell. 1054 01:15:44,370 --> 01:15:49,370 - Gentlemen, we have come to the crossroads. 1055 01:15:52,020 --> 01:15:53,553 I have made a decision. 1056 01:15:55,740 --> 01:16:00,740 I have chosen the way. - You look strange, Professor. 1057 01:16:02,910 --> 01:16:07,910 - Gentlemen, it is a far, far better thing we do today 1058 01:16:10,194 --> 01:16:12,444 than we have ever- - Are you okay Professor? 1059 01:16:15,660 --> 01:16:20,660 - My friends, we wanted to be rich, not villains. 1060 01:16:22,140 --> 01:16:25,800 It's better to be heroes than hated villains chased 1061 01:16:25,800 --> 01:16:30,420 from our homes, living lives of despair, et cetera, 1062 01:16:30,420 --> 01:16:31,253 so forth. 1063 01:16:31,253 --> 01:16:32,520 Give the professor a drink, 1064 01:16:32,520 --> 01:16:33,720 he's flipped outta his head. 1065 01:16:33,720 --> 01:16:35,280 - I have never been more cogent. 1066 01:16:35,280 --> 01:16:37,080 - What's the plan professor? 1067 01:16:37,080 --> 01:16:39,300 - We are going to become vigilantes, 1068 01:16:39,300 --> 01:16:43,143 give chase to the bandits and return the money. 1069 01:16:44,190 --> 01:16:47,250 - We're, what? - The hell we are? 1070 01:16:47,250 --> 01:16:49,583 Would you rather be caught and put away? 1071 01:16:51,000 --> 01:16:53,580 - You promised that wouldn't happen. 1072 01:16:53,580 --> 01:16:57,213 - I lied. - Well, what's your plan? 1073 01:16:58,950 --> 01:17:00,810 - You don't deserve this 1074 01:17:00,810 --> 01:17:05,133 but I'm going to turn us in and become heroes. 1075 01:17:06,750 --> 01:17:10,293 I have them cornered but my friends and I may need help, 1076 01:17:11,730 --> 01:17:13,713 At Smiley's barn, yes. 1077 01:17:15,120 --> 01:17:17,520 Well, we, we may not be able to wait. 1078 01:17:17,520 --> 01:17:20,010 However, if they should attempt to escape, 1079 01:17:20,010 --> 01:17:22,323 I may be forced to charge single handedly. 1080 01:17:23,430 --> 01:17:24,263 Oh, yes. 1081 01:17:25,140 --> 01:17:29,733 If I don't make it, send my fine farewell to Bertha. 1082 01:17:30,930 --> 01:17:33,543 I'm doing this for her. 1083 01:17:39,150 --> 01:17:40,710 - There it is, folks. 1084 01:17:40,710 --> 01:17:42,390 Smiley's barn, 1085 01:17:42,390 --> 01:17:45,330 they all spread out and keep low and move in real careful. 1086 01:17:45,330 --> 01:17:47,880 Like it's no telling what the environment's going to do. 1087 01:17:47,880 --> 01:17:49,223 Spread on out. 1088 01:18:19,429 --> 01:18:20,346 Hold, hold! 1089 01:18:21,597 --> 01:18:24,660 All right, desperados in there, you better come on up. 1090 01:18:24,660 --> 01:18:26,343 This here place is surrounded by, 1091 01:18:27,210 --> 01:18:28,953 by practically the whole town. 1092 01:18:33,840 --> 01:18:35,973 All right, now we ain't gonna wait long. 1093 01:18:47,480 --> 01:18:48,727 You alright? 1094 01:18:48,727 --> 01:18:52,890 - I'm alive and so are my companions. 1095 01:18:52,890 --> 01:18:56,070 We routed the villains, but I'm afraid they escaped. 1096 01:18:56,070 --> 01:18:58,930 - Who were they? - They wore stocking masks. 1097 01:18:58,930 --> 01:19:01,863 - We'll get 'em. - The money- 1098 01:19:02,830 --> 01:19:05,880 - I'll, I'll give it to Bertha myself, personally. 1099 01:19:05,880 --> 01:19:08,503 Bertha, Bertha, are you out there? 1100 01:19:08,503 --> 01:19:12,874 - I'm here Professor. - My dear, here's your money. 1101 01:19:12,874 --> 01:19:17,760 - Oh, Professor. - These men deserve the same. 1102 01:19:17,760 --> 01:19:18,593 You are right. 1103 01:19:18,593 --> 01:19:19,426 Girls! - Oh my dear. 1104 01:19:33,182 --> 01:19:34,015 - My dear. 1105 01:19:34,860 --> 01:19:39,090 This is for you. - Oh, Professor, 1106 01:19:39,090 --> 01:19:41,133 you risked your life for me, why? 1107 01:19:43,416 --> 01:19:48,010 - I too am an orphan. - How can I ever thank you? 1108 01:19:49,980 --> 01:19:51,870 - Let's go to your place. 1109 01:19:51,870 --> 01:19:54,780 What could have ended in disasters has ended 1110 01:19:54,780 --> 01:19:56,310 in triumph. 1111 01:19:56,310 --> 01:19:59,760 Our misguided desperadoes have learned that success 1112 01:19:59,760 --> 01:20:03,390 is just around the corner if you use your head. 1113 01:20:03,390 --> 01:20:04,920 - Goodbye Rufus. 1114 01:20:04,920 --> 01:20:09,003 Remember, as you drive down that great highway of life, 1115 01:20:09,960 --> 01:20:12,030 always pass on the left. 1116 01:20:12,030 --> 01:20:13,680 - Well, that's beautiful Professor. 1117 01:20:13,680 --> 01:20:15,330 Thank you. 1118 01:20:15,330 --> 01:20:17,730 - Corncob, my boy. - Yes. 1119 01:20:17,730 --> 01:20:19,863 - As you drive down that highway of life, 1120 01:20:20,970 --> 01:20:24,660 watch out for Rufus. - I'll do my damnedest. 1121 01:20:24,660 --> 01:20:26,133 Professor, I sure will. 1122 01:20:27,240 --> 01:20:30,543 - Wilbur, Alligator Al, 1123 01:20:31,940 --> 01:20:35,043 for a smooth ride on the highway of life, 1124 01:20:36,060 --> 01:20:38,194 take care of your mother. 1125 01:20:38,194 --> 01:20:42,608 - Golly. - Professor, honey. 1126 01:20:42,608 --> 01:20:45,275 I'm waiting. - Coming, my lovely. 1127 01:20:52,100 --> 01:20:52,933 My love. 1128 01:20:56,437 --> 01:21:01,437 Girls. 1129 01:21:16,122 --> 01:21:18,539 - Goodbye, goodbye! - Goodbye! 1130 01:21:20,447 --> 01:21:22,029 May the Lord bless you 1131 01:21:22,029 --> 01:21:24,511 and keep all them little devils away. 1132 01:21:24,511 --> 01:21:27,033 Congratulations Professor. 1133 01:21:27,033 --> 01:21:28,903 You do your thing, Professor. 1134 01:21:35,250 --> 01:21:36,240 Big Bertha 1135 01:21:36,240 --> 01:21:39,180 is now fulfilling a dream of a lifetime. 1136 01:21:39,180 --> 01:21:40,980 With the Professor as her guide. 1137 01:21:40,980 --> 01:21:43,680 He is taking a grand tour of the Ballet Capitals 1138 01:21:43,680 --> 01:21:48,600 of the United States, Iota, Kansas, Kentucky, Illinois, 1139 01:21:48,600 --> 01:21:50,610 and Conneirus Georgia. 1140 01:21:50,610 --> 01:21:52,530 With their leader gone, 1141 01:21:52,530 --> 01:21:55,980 Rufus T. Oxhammer is supplying organic vegetables 1142 01:21:55,980 --> 01:21:59,853 to Priscilla Bacon, now all prospering health food shop. 1143 01:22:05,702 --> 01:22:10,251 Rufus, stay! 1144 01:22:38,010 --> 01:22:39,930 Wilbur Varnish was well rewarded 1145 01:22:39,930 --> 01:22:41,580 for his heroism. 1146 01:22:41,580 --> 01:22:44,400 He is now Chief Deputy of Police. 1147 01:22:44,400 --> 01:22:48,376 One of his first duties was to lock up his mother. 1148 01:23:19,560 --> 01:23:21,407 As for Corncob McKay, night errant. 1149 01:23:23,122 --> 01:23:26,550 - This is Corncob Mckay's Midnight to Dawn Soiree. 1150 01:23:26,550 --> 01:23:29,250 Coming to you live from Big Bertha's 1151 01:23:29,250 --> 01:23:31,410 and signing off once again. 1152 01:23:31,410 --> 01:23:34,667 Wishing you all out there, music in your hearts. 1153 01:23:37,568 --> 01:23:38,997 - Corncob. 1154 01:23:38,997 --> 01:23:41,914 - I'm coming, sweet thing. - Hurry. 1155 01:24:00,281 --> 01:24:03,291 ♪ Please don't close Big Bertha down ♪ 1156 01:24:03,291 --> 01:24:07,037 ♪ It's the only, only house we have in town ♪ 1157 01:24:07,037 --> 01:24:10,141 ♪ Certainly, she's been around ♪ 1158 01:24:27,433 --> 01:24:30,814 ♪ Please don't close Big Bertha's down ♪ 1159 01:24:30,814 --> 01:24:34,280 ♪ It's the only, only house we have in town ♪ 1160 01:24:34,280 --> 01:24:39,280 ♪ Place to go when you feel down and low ♪ 1161 01:24:41,360 --> 01:24:44,435 ♪ No girl will ever tease you ♪ 1162 01:24:44,435 --> 01:24:47,683 ♪ Bertha guarantees that every girl will please you ♪ 1163 01:24:47,683 --> 01:24:52,683 ♪ So, we really hate to see her go ♪ 1164 01:24:55,386 --> 01:25:00,386 ♪ No girl will ever tease you ♪ 1165 01:25:01,310 --> 01:25:06,310 ♪ Bertha guarantees that every trip will please you ♪ 1166 01:25:08,081 --> 01:25:13,081 ♪ So we really hate to see her go ♪ 1167 01:25:15,026 --> 01:25:19,973 ♪ So we really hate to see her go ♪